Karen grew up in a dysfunctional family. Her father had significant medical and mental problems. He spent time in some mental hospitals but though he would return to normalcy for a time he never really recovered. Karen does not remember much about her father. She only vaguely remembers his physical and sexual abuse. She does remember as a little girl being afraid of him. He would often leave for weeks or months at a time when he got restless or board with family life. He left for the last time when Karen was about four years old. She does not know for sure but she suspects that it was because her mother caught him abusing her. She only saw her father a few more times before he died when she was nine years old. Her father's abandoning her without any explanation made her feel like there was something seriously wrong with her. She felt unloved and unwanted by him.
Because Karen's father left her mother had a very hard time making ends meet. She started leaving Karen home alone while she went to work even before Karen was in kindergarten. She also stopped hugging and holding Karen after her father left. This made Karen a very lonely little girl. Her mother would often get angry with her and spank her excessively in anger. Her mother was in a state of depression and when she was a little older her mother would threaten to kill herself and Karen. Karen loved her mother but was afraid of her. Her mother did not seem to see Karen's need to be loved. Sometimes when Karen would cry her mother would tell her that she was being a baby, that only weaklings cried when they were not physically injured. Karen learned to keep her feelings to herself. Because she stayed home alone most of the time, Karen did not have anyone else to look to for comfort and support. She would have been afraid to tell anyone what was going anyway.
Her mother would sometimes nag Karen about how much food she ate but that only made Karen more angry and insecure. Her mother was also quite a bit overweight; Karen felt like her mother had a double standard. Sometimes Karen would make half-hearted attempts to go on a diet or start exercising. She found it relatively easy to lose weight but she never stuck with the diets. She thought it was because she enjoyed eating more than she cared about how she looked.
When she was eight years old her mother remarried. The man she married was rather cold toward Karen till his daughter moved out. He had been abusing his daughter but when she left he started abusing Karen. He started out by being very kind to her. She was so starved for love that she started following him around everywhere he went. Once when he was abusing her he told Karen that the abuse was her fault because of the way she looked and dressed.
From then on she made sure that she wore baggy unattractive clothes, she was afraid to look nice. Worse than that though she began to gain weight. For the next twenty years she stayed about a comfortable thirty pounds overweight. Food became her occupation and her comfort. It kept her busy when she was alone. It was not until many years later that she realized that she was addicted to food.
Karen told her mother about her stepfather's abuse a few times. The one time her mother told her that if she kept stirring up trouble that she would put Karen up for adoption. Another time she told Karen if she did not want to have sex with her stepfather then she should just stay away from him.
When Karen was about eleven years old she started to become very bitter and angry toward her stepfather and toward her mother. Her mother began to completely ignore her, sometimes for weeks at a time; often for the slightest things Karen would do wrong. Rejection was her mother's way of punishing her. She got to the place where she could not handle her mother's cutting her off so she left home when she was fifteen. She would occasionally return for short visits but that was hard for her. Later on in counseling Karen also told about being sexually abused by her stepsister and an isolated incident where one of her brothers tried to rape her but she got away.
Karen had become a Christian as a little girl. When she was nine years old, shortly before her stepfather started abusing her, she dedicated her life to the Lord. Once she was physically distanced from her family the Lord began the long slow healing process in her life. She struggled for years with bitterness and anger, making small steps toward healing now and then. Now Karen is in her late twenties and feels like she is ready to really start dealing with the issues in her life.
While overeating is not the biggest problem in Karen's life it is a significant issue that the Lord has put His finger on. She realized that it was a problem a few years ago. The place where she worked made a dieting program, Weigh Down Workshop, available to it's employees. Karen was not really interested. She had been within ten pounds of the same weight since she was thirteen years old. She figured that she was not that much overweight and she did not want to put the effort into the diet. She also did not want to give up her chocolate and ice cream. She had always been able to lose weight quickly when she wanted to but she did not like the skinny look anyway.
The Lord began to show her that even though she was comfortable with her weight she had a friend at work that would probably benefit greatly from a dieting program. She was concerned that her friend might not try the diet if she did not participate. She followed the instructions they were given the first week. Those on the diet program were to eat only when they were hungry and they were supposed to stop when they were satisfied. They were only supposed to weigh themselves once at the end of each week.
At the end of week one, most people had lost two or three pounds but when Karen weighed herself she was stunned to discover that she had lost eighteen pounds! She immediately went into an internal panic. The previous few days people had been telling her how good she was looking and that it looked like she had lost some weight but she just shrugged it off. All of a sudden she realized that she had lost the protection from abuse that she felt she had because she was overweight and unattractive. She never realized before that her weight had given her such a sense of security and fortification.
As I listened to Karen tell her story I felt pretty sure that she had a solid relationship with the Lord. The first thing I would do in counseling her would be to seek to strengthen her foundation. She said that she knew God loved her in her head but she did not feel it in her heart. I would have her read a book called Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. The book will help her to see that the terrible things that have happened to her were not because God dislikes her but because man has chosen to follow his flesh instead of God. I would want her to understand that her pain is a result of man's getting away from God not something God wanted for her because He does not love her.
Before really addressing Karen's eating disorder I would try to help her resolve some of the abuse issues in her life because an eating disorder is really a spiritual disorder with physical consequences. Changing her eating behavior would be like trying to put a Band-Aid over skin cancer. We would talk about forgiveness and the journey the Lord often takes those who are healing on. When she was ready I would take her through The Seven Steps to Freedom found in Neil Anderson's book, Victory Over the Darkness. We would start looking for the lies from the enemy that she has believed, especially lies relating to her and how she views God.
I would have her start praying through the Who I Am in Christ list. I would also strongly encourage her to begin journaling her thoughts and the things the Lord is teaching her. I would encourage her to do her journaling in the form of letters to God. Reading back over the letters in her journal would help to encourage her because she would be able to see more clearly how the Lord has been working in her life. Once she gets some of these major issues cleared up we could start looking at the lies that are holding her in bondage to food.
As we began to work on her eating problems I would start out by leading her in a prayer. I would ask God to bind the enemy and bring the truth to light. Then I would have her pray and ask God what is keeping her in bondage to food. Due to her background I would expect it would be things like fear, insecurity, and loneliness. We would deal with whatever issues came up. Once her soul is at peace she will not be looking to food to meet her spiritual needs.
The fact that Karen has recognized that she has a stronghold in the area of overeating is the first step in her getting free from the problem. I would start out by asking some questions that should get Karen thinking about identifying what the needs in her life are that she is seeking to meet by eating. I would ask questions like, "What type of mood are you in when you begin to overeat?" "What would be some better ways to change your mood than eating when you feel that way?" "What does the Lord encourage you to do when you are in that mood?" "Why does it seem like food temporarily meets that need?" "What does the Lord want you to do to get your needs meet instead of turning to food?"
After her heart is settled I would talk to her about being sensitive to her bodies needs and eating only when she is hungry. Then stopping when she is satisfied. I would talk to her about chewing her food thoroughly and eating slowly. I would give her some advice about making meal times a time of fellowship more than food. I would explain to her that it takes about 3,500 calories to make a pound so her weight will not come off over night. Instead of focusing on losing weight she should focus on her relationship with the Lord.
We would also look at some other things that could get in the way of her weight loss. We would want to find out if she had problems with Candida, Hypoglycemia, food allergies, Premenstrual Syndrome, or hypothyroid. She might also be taking some medications that could cause her to feel sluggish or depressed.
I might suggest some sort of positive motivation for sticking to her desired plan, perhaps something like a trip to Alaska for the whole family when she reaches her desired weight and stays there for a month. She could put away any money she might be tempted to spend on desserts toward the trip. I would encourage her not to give up if she felt like she failed in her resolve. I would be careful to emphasize though that her
weight is not really the issue. Actually the issue is being in fellowship with the Holy Spirit.
It is very important that Karen avoid as much stress as possible. Stress is the primary reason someone who is addicted to food indulges in it. Joy is a good thing to put on as she puts off stress. The more joy she has the quicker she will heal. Laughter is great too. A good sense of humor will diffuse stress and besides, a good hardy belly laugh burns a tremendous number of calories.
As a result of reading this book I have learned more about the physical consequences of anorexia and bulimia. I did not realize that they could cause problems with Candida or that bulimia would cause tooth decay. I am also surprised that I have not seen more cases of anorexia or bulimia at the facility where I work. I can only recall one child with anorexia and two young people and one friend who struggled with bulimia out of about three hundred troubled youth I have worked with. Overeating seems to be quite a bit more common in the young people I see. I have also noticed that many people abuse food but do not seem excessively overweight. They still have problems that need to be worked out because God desires us to have balance in our lives.
While in the short term, overeating is the least life threatening of the three disorders it can also have the longest emotional consequences. Someone who is overweight is an open target for the enemy to tell them they are a looser and worthless. They often get on the dieting roller coaster and feel like there is no hope for them to break their eating habits permanently.
I have learned more about asking questions that get someone thinking about what the real issues are in their life. It is also important to ask questions that help them see things the way the Lord sees them. More than anything else, eating disorders seem to be a cry for help whether conscious or not, they are an indication that something is desperately wrong in the person's life. Eating disorders are tormentors from the enemy. As the great counterfeiter, he seeks to take something that is good, food, something that God designed for our health and enjoyment and pervert our thinking about it. He is always looking for ways to get us off balance and in some people food is his weapon.
