Freedom Testimony
For me coming to freedom has been a long slow process. I was entangled in many things that displeased God. Ever sense I was a little child I have struggled morally. My sensual desires were probably first stirred by my father's abusing me when I was very young. Even as a child I knew that my thoughts and imaginations were wrong. Sometimes I would be able to stop them for a little while but they always came back. There was more abuse as I grew up that helped to keep my mind enslaved. As I got older I could have stopped the abuse but I chose not to. Partly because I was afraid of what would happen but it was also partly because I wanted love and attention and being abused was the only way I got it.
Eventually the Lord took me out of that situation so I could start to heal. Several year later I took some counseling training. There God worked in my heart so I was finally able to forgive those who hurt me and get rid of my bitterness. That brought incredible freedom to me.
I began mentoring a young lady. Everything seemed to be going very well, on the surface anyway. I was still having terrible moral struggles with my thoughts especially as I went to sleep at night. I tried everything I could think of to get free, listening to Scripture tapes, memorizing Scripture, meditating, thinking about hymns and praying as I went to sleep. They would all work for a little while but then I would be drawn back into my old thoughts again. Finally I got to the point where I told God that I would do what ever I had to get free. The verse that immediately came to my mind was James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." I was very afraid of what would happen to my reputation and position as a leader if someone found out what was going on in my heart. Then the Lord reminded me of Matthew 16:25, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." I realized that I was trying to build and protect my own reputation and ministry instead of the Lord's. After a great deal of internal struggle I told one of my authorities about the thoughts I was having. That has helped tremendously. When my sin was brought to the light and confessed Satin lost the power he had over me.
Two days after I opened up about my struggle, without knowing what had gone on in my heart, the girl I was mentoring brought her moral struggles to the light. I did not realize that the hole in my umbrella was hindering her progress. Now the Lord has used this failure in my life to help me see the same problems in the ones I am ministering to. "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us." Hebrews 12:1.
We are commanded to stand against the wiles of the devil but whenever there is a moral struggle involved, the Bible says to flee. Get out, don't play around with sin.
Sin takes you farther than you want to go,
Keeps you longer than you want to stay,
And costs you more than you want to pay.
Don't get me wrong. I am not free from all temptation and struggle. Those things will always be a weak spot in my life. The enemy frequently tries to attack but it is not nearly as strong anymore.
Probably if you are reading this you are already stuck in the mire of sin. Don't stop fighting. One of the enemy's favorite lies is to tell you that there will never be an end to the battle and you will eventually fall anyway so there is no use in fighting.
Ideas for resisting the enemy:
*Cry out to God for help.
*I have a little book on my key chain that I write those things that would stop me from sinning if I could remember them when I am tempted. I call it my attitude changer. I got my little book at a dollar store. I've also seen them at Clair's Boutique. Click on the link to the left to see what is in my Attitude Changers book.
* Choose a prayer target. Someone who would do real damage to Satan's kingdom if they were a Christian. Every time you are tempted, pray for that person.
* If you are a tight-wad try this one. Commit that every time you give in to that temptation you will give $50 to a missionary. I did that. After about $100 I was pretty much cured.
* Listen to Scripture tapes as you go to sleep.
* Staying in constant fellowship with the Lord is what helps me the most. Read Practicing the Presence of God.
